A Year of Halo

A Yearish of Halo in Review

Last night was a very sad night for all of us, as we fired up the box for the last time in our sophomore year. It was a great night however, playing a best-of-7 with the original four until past 4 a.m. This made me reminisce on the great memories I have with the game, and some of the great moments (and not-so-great moments) of male bonding in the section. So, as a tribute to Master Chief, I will recap the evolution of this game to the best of my ability. If you in any way have been touched by the game of Halo, please read, as this should bring a tear to your eye. This is a long post, but it is worth it. This game is dear to my heart and this is the least I can do to give it justice. If you are not a part of the Halo lifestyle (i.e. if you are a female) you will understand very little of this post. I apologize for this, but I will post a theorem for all audiences tomorrow.

To get the full effect, play this song in the background while you read.

The Beginning
The true beginning, in my mind, was the nightly circuits. This is where the competitiveness, trash-talking, and late-night gaming originated. Eventually, however, this died out, as I recall because of Pat’s reluctance to return promptly to Duncan at 12:05. Halo was next in line, and it started slowly and the facts are muddled, but I believe the first players were me, Quinn, Tom, and Geisman. Regardless, more people joined and soon we had the makings of a new lifestyle.

The Conspiracy
Remarkably, not everyone was happy about the increasing prevalence of Halo-playing. A total of three Halo discs went missing or were tampered with. The detective work never brought any definitive answers, but there are still highly-suspected persons whose consciences will eventually bring them to admit their sin to the Halo world. Nevertheless, Halo fought through and went on. Discs were protected by lock and key and Master Chief was never taken for granted after that.

The Renaissance
Entering the summer of freshman year, we were left with an emptiness in our souls (the part of the soul that love Halo of course). The only way to fill this emptiness was to watch Halo Top 10 videos on YouTube. I did it and so did you, you just won’t admit it. However, we came back to school as sophomores and started off right where we left off. As early as Frosh-O weekend when we were supposed to be helping people move in, we had the box fired up. This set the tone for the year and we never looked back.

The Serieses
The four players that demonstrated pure devotion to the game started a competition known as nightly serieses. The two teams were Team Homo featuring Prof Smoovkok and Da Shredda and Team Minx featuring Fitzy and Crazy Horse. Team Homo could not be stopped. As soon as game scores started begin recorded, Team Homo won the seasons I, II, and III.

Fitzy Retirement (a.k.a. The Great Depression)
Around the end of last semester, Fitzy retired from the game of Halo. Reasons were unclear, but the retirement hurt us all. We were all left with another emptiness in our souls as we had only three devoted players. Metoxen also made himself scarce at times, spending a greater deal of time in the McG. This is when we first saw what would come to known as the Invisibility Cloak. It was a dark time for many reasons, and we looked for a solution. We began searching for replacements. Boonie was top on the list, but his reluctance to play every night post-parietals ultimately eliminated him. Bobby and Josh were both schooled in the art of serieses but were never fully incorporated into the system. Soon, however, things went back to normal…

Post-Retirement
Fitzy eventually came back and the farming continued. Season IV (Favre with the Jets) as well as Season V (Favre with the Vikings) both went to Team Homo. Team Minx was left in a hopeless situation that was clearly not going to rectify itself.

New Teams
Crazy Horse had enough of Fitzy and Fitzy had enough of the Horse. It was a messy divorce, but it had to happen. Crazy Horse joined forces with Prof Smoovkok and Da Shredda teamed up with Fitzy. Nevertheless, Horse and Smoovy took Season VI, despite the so-called “leash forfeit” (complete bogus, you all should be ashamed for using the term leash). Tides turned, however, and Da Shredda and Fitzy took Season VII handily. This marked the end of the serieses and we moved on to bigger and better things.

Spring Semester
As we moved into 322 Duncan Hall, we discovered the true use of the Ethernet cable. Halo became “sticks” and serieses became “linking.” 2v2 became 3v3 and 4v4. There was resistance at first, especially from Prof Smoovkok, but eventually we all came around and accepted what it had to offer. Now all could join in the killing, and this is when we all truly became united as a section. Sticks continued to be played at 12:05, but teams were fluid. This continued through the end of the semester and it brings us to where we are today.

Highlights of Halo

The night Father Tom decided to join us
This was the night we truly realized how oblivious we all are to the rest of the world when playing Halo, as Father Tom decided to watch our game for a solid five minutes (from what I’m told, might be an exaggeration). Unaware of this, we continued call each other gay and use words that a priest would not normally approve of. FT made his disapproval known by telling us to not use the word “gay,” to which Steier brightly responds, “No! that’s f&#%ing GAY!” Father Tom had no rebuttle.

The Fire Alarm
Our obliviousness was again highlighted in this incident where the fire alarm was going off for five minutes before we realized it. Our only response to an angry FT: We thought the siren was part of our beats. Totally legit excuse.

DuckFeet
DuckFeet came in to tell us to be quiet many times, but none was better than when he told Brett to be quiet. If you don’t know, no one tells Brett to do anything. It’s Lieutenant Colonel Captain Major General Third Degree Unit 522 Naval Officer Ground Force Delta Bravo Brett Leahy we are talking about, he tells you what to do. Or he just responds with “Yeah yeah whatever! Just shut the door!!” I wasn’t personally there but I hear it was a good time.

Brett’s Real-Life Whap
I also wasn’t there, but I hear Brett was getting so frustrated that he started hitting Fitzy? Maybe not… I just remember intense anger.


The Contributors

The Regulars
Prof Smoovkok- (“Prof”, “Smoovy”, “Smoovs”) A regular in the game of Halo, Prof has been farming for well over a year. His favorite weapons include the shotgun, the mauler, and of course invisibility. Can handle himself with a BR, but his real weapons of choice are short distance. Fitzy claims his play is gay, but it is not. Prof is simply better than Fitzy. I said it.
The Prof loves to beat it while playing Halo, especially the Blink playlist. His favorite insults are the basic sarcastic remarks as well as the giddy laugh at others’ poor play. He will often criticize as well as praise his own play, often referring to himself in the third person. His halo jersey is well-known and craved by all the Halo fans. He promises to sell it on eBay following his retirement and give the money to charity.

Fitzy- Also a regular, Fitzy loves the stickies. His play is, however, very gay, although he will not admit it. His reluctance to use a gun has been his downfall over the years and his career win-loss record shows it.
Fitzy likes to beat it as well most of the time, but has much greater variety to his beats. He is a stickler for the screens not being crossed, but this does not affect anyone else so most of the time no one listens. His favorite insults include, “Smoovkok YOU’RE SO GAY” and simply any remark questioning the sexuality of the Prof. Fitzy loves to crouch and get overshield when applicable.

Da Shredda- (“Shredda”, “Shreds”, “Insta Blaze”) Shredda picked up the game quickly, and has proven him to be one of the elite. His love for the AR combined with his elusiveness and unmitigated (don’t know what that word means) aggressiveness has won him many serieses. Shredda’s favorite insults are those that question the intelligence and obliviousness of his opponents (i.e. “You’re so dumb” and “You’re so oblivious”).

Crazy Horse- (“Horse”)- Crazy Horse has also been extremely devoted to the game. He loves the snippity but he’s remarkably bad. This badness has been his downfall. If he weren’t so bad, he might win more games and get more kills. As it is though, he is just bad.
Horse loves the simple, to-the-point “you’re bad” insult, but to be honest, he takes way more insults than he dishes out. 90% of all negative remarks are directed toward Crazy Horse, but he has yet to show any regard for what is said about him. But to be fair, his nades are nothing but luck, and it often seems like he’s fighting with his bow and arrow rather than Halo weapons. Thus, he really is bad. But we still love him and continue to play with him when his invisibility cloak is off.

The Semi-Regulars
Heisman N@g- (“Heisman”)- Keeping T.O.L family-friendly, we will use the @ symbol. Heisman is not bad at halo, in fact his is quite good. Heisman wins the award for the cockiest player as well as the most flexible. Heisman is the founder of the phrase “farming,” but his trash-talking takes on many different forms. He will question your sexuality, tell you that you are bad, laugh at you, or just yell at you. His season took a downward turn when around the end of the year when the game started screwing him with spawns. The game has been screwing him so much that it’s almost not worth it for him to play, because he never gets a good spawn. It is amazing how much the game picks just him to screw. Heisman has created quite a rivalry with the Jan, as both think they are better than the other.

Jan- the Jan thinks he is better than Heisman, but I will not get into that. Jan coined the phrase “sticks.” His favorite forms are trash talk are to yell at you, often simply “LATER.” I was instructed to write something about how he used to be good but isn’t playing well, or hasn’t practiced, or is usually better than Heisman, or Heisman isn’t as good as he thinks, or something. Instead I will just say the Jan is a solid player that can compete with the best, but isn’t quite there yet. His insecurity was highlighted, however, when he refused to allow his video to be posted to the blog, claiming it was embarrassing. Jan: I just wrote four pages of a Word document on Halo, no shame here.

Rack Em Willie- Fills in when necessary, but not a big fan of the game itself.

Leeroy Jenkins- Also fills in when necessary and beginning to be a good substitute for the bad players. Loves the sword, but will settle with the shotgun. Leeroy is a smart player that really understands the game, but his not been able to practice his skills as much as the rest.

The Others

Takk- Something like 3rd best in Indiana, but he does not live in Duncan any more. So sad.

Attorney- Probably a Semi-Regular, Attorney is not good. He nonetheless manages to get kills and avoid death. I have not determined how he does it, but he is not good. His favorite forms of trash-talk are physically violent acts. He often gets mad at being killed and decides to punch the person who killed him (in the Halo world). I often feel this hurts the sanctity of the game, but I hold my tongue because we need his T.V. to link up.