10 days following the surgery and I look only slightly less like a chipmunk than I did the day of. My face is still numb, I am officially tired of drinking smoothies, and I've lost 12 pounds. Nevertheless, I couldn't be happier because we are ONE WEEK away from the WORLD CUP!! If you aren't excited for the greatest tournament on earth, there is something seriously wrong with you.
So I decided to put together my own preview some of the countries of importance...
France - Arretez les bleus! Tara, your Frenchmen blow. They just lost to China 1-0 in a friendly and although every one of their players is an absolute baller, they canNOT play as a team. It is embarrassing, but I have no sympathy for them because they are French. Also, what I do not understand is where they got so many black men to play on the team. Thirteen of the twenty-three players are of African descent, yet only 8-10% of the nation's demographic is black. This perplexes me greatly, but I do enjoy black people with French accents (see Mickael Pietrus). Anyway, I predict a failure to advance from pool play and a lot of French anguish which will be met with my pure delight.
China - Bobby's and Abaigh's Chinamen did not make it to the World Cup this year but nonetheless I am definitely a fan. After beating powerhouse France 1-0, they all seemed so happy and gleeful. I've never seen a goalie high-five his defenders when the ball goes over the endline for a goal-kick, it's like they are 10-year-olds. We need more Asian representation in the World Cup, that is all.
Albania- Steier's 79th-ranked Albanese are probably not that good but I honestly have no way of knowing. Fun fact: they beat Montenegro 1-0 in a friendly on May 25th. No one was watching.
England- Lauren and Jenn have a really good team, obviously, but they are goin' down. The United States is going to beat them 3-1. But England will still advance from pool play and go deep in the elimination rounds despite losing defender and team captain Rio Ferdinand to injury. The Three Lions are full of ballers and they will settle for nothing less than excellence. I can't wait to see them play.
Italy- Keeping with the front-runners theme, Miss Italian Conquistador's, Metoxen's, and Meredith's Azzurri are also ballers. However, I hate them. They are getting old, and in a tremendously ironic turn of events, one of their better players (De Rossi?) will actually hurt himself falling to the ground for one of his flops and be out for the tournament. Then they will be upset a few times and not make it out of pool play. I'm rooting for the Slovaks to take their place.
Spain- And the front-runner of front-runners, La Furia Roja is poised for a deep run into the elimination rounds, possibly taking it all. I am not convinced, however, and I think they will struggle. Fernando Torres will get a red card sometime during the game in which they are eliminated and the Spaniards will lose on PKs. Anyway, sorry Jake but your team is bound for disappointment.
The United States- The team that will beat the Spaniards in PKs is the United States. The U.S. will far surpass expectations and do work. I can't wait to see it.
Ireland- Tom's Irish should absolutely be in the World Cup, if for no other reason than to keep Tommy Smyth a happy old man.
Australia- And lastly, Josh's Socceroos. I know nothing about the Australian national team, but I do know that Australians are crazy. Check out this crazy sport and tell me you didn't wish you were Australian. Or if they aren't out breaking their necks on the football oval field thing, they are of course piercing their nipples and throwing crazy parties. Thus, I am left only to conclude that they suck at soccer and will not advance. I'm pulling for Ghana... gotta love those Black Stars.
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Since I love Flash Mobs more than the next guy, I found this one from Belgium. I even spotted Liesl, she comes in at 0:50 with the brown boots.
LATER
WRONG!
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