LeBron Sweepstakes

I still do not have a theorem to offer, I have spent way too much time watching soccer and not enough time philosophizing. However, I do not regret this decision one bit.

We are currently in one of the best stretches of time in sports. The World Cup is nearing on its most exciting part: the knockout round, and US National Team has provided us with one of the best finishes to a game in its not-so-illustrious history. France and Italy have embarrassed themselves, and I couldn't be happier. It seems to be shaping up just as I hoped.

By the way, it has been brought to my attention that my predictions for the World Cup have somehow proved to be somewhat accurate. This combined with the fact that I was in the 100.0% in ESPN.com's Soccer Pick'Em Fantasy Game is really inflating my ego, and believe me, that is not a good thing. If this keeps up, I'm liable to actually convince myself I know what I'm talking about, and that just means I'll never stop talking about it...

Even the sport of tennis has gotten in on the action. The most incredible tennis match ever played just finished 6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6, 70-68, spanning three days and taking over 11 hours to play, of course with the Amurican coming out on top. The NBA draft is about to begin where my boys Evan Turner and Gordon Hayward will hopefully be drafted by the Cleveland LeBrons. Speaking of LeBron, his sweepstakes also begin in a week, which will surely provide for lively entertainment for all. I obviously would like him to stay in Cleveland and I think he should do so (for his own good) but not for the reasons that you might be familiar with. Here are my reasons:


1) Because they will have to change the name of the franchise from the Cleveland LeBrons back to the Cleveland Cavaliers. For seven seasons, LeBron has been the franchise and it has been nothing but financial success for the city. If Cleveland has to go back to being the Cavaliers it will be devastating for the team, the city, and the league.

2) The LeBron decorations. Whose picture is going to replace LeBron’s “We are all Witnesses” posters on the sides of so many buildings in Cleveland? Varajao? Mo Williams? Z? … No, it just won’t work. No one has that glorious open-armed look to the heavens like LeBron and no one wants to be a witness to Varajao's flops, even Cleveland fans. Although seeing Z up there would be kind of amusing...

3) Because Cleveland is so likeable. Think about it. No one likes the frontrunner and New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago always seem to win things. If LeBron goes to these cities, he will be roped into the karma of the rest of the city and no one will like him. Cleveland is the classic underdog and he is just more popular being a part of its charm.

4) His paycheck. He can be offered the largest salary in Cleveland. People seem to like money and I think LeBron is no different.

5) Other job openings. There are openings in the front office and as head coach of the team. This is a perfect opportunity to LeBron to step in as a player-coach (a la Jackie Moon for the Tropics) or even player-coach-GM. This means three rings for the price of one Championship, which is a great way to make up for some lost time in his first seven seasons.
The Cleveland Browns. He may even be able to make the squad for the Browns, earning him extra income and allowing him to better his legacy as a two-sport professional athlete. LeBron has experience in high school as a football star and there is no doubt the Browns could use any help they can get. Come to think of it, the Indians could use some help too… The possibilities are endless in Cleveland.

6) There is already plenty of media in New York and L.A. LeBron has been a virtual photographer for the Cavaliers for a while now who takes pregame pictures of his teammates. It is likely he won’t be able to find this job in any other city, where photographers are lurking around every corner.

7) The new jerseys. It always is strange wearing a jersey for a new team after you have worn the same team's jersey for so many years. However, LeBron will have to say goodbye to the 19 different throw-back jerseys that the Cavaliers use regularly. Avid LeBron fans won't have the chance to buy LeBron home, away, alternate home, alternate away, light blue, light yellow, maroon, orange, black, blue, green, and magenta jerseys if he goes to the Knicks. Think of how much money is lost there.

8) His fashion. LeBron has become accustomed to wearing some absolutely ridiculous clothing and if he goes to a major city, especially New York, he is liable to end up on What Not to Wear. That's just too embarrassing for everyone involved and I don't want that to happen to him.

I promise the next post will not have to deal with sports. LATER