Spitting between teeth

My mom recently told me that it was disgusting that I spit between my teeth. This was not the first time she's told me this nor is she the only person that has said it. Therefore, I feel it is time to correct these people's misconceptions once and for all.

Theorem 11: Spitting between one's teeth is not disgusting

In fact, it is not really spitting at all. This is technical stuff that many people don't understand, so I will attempt to explain it. When you spit between your teeth, it has to be liquidy and not saliva-y like spit. So you are essentially just sending water between your teeth, which can't possibly be disgusting.

On the other hand, when you spit actual saliva (that you can see on the ground) or mucus, you are ejecting something that was in your body. Thus, this can theoretically be considered disgusting. I personally think it is one of the most natural things a person can do, so it is not disgusting, but everyone has a right to their own opinion.

There are, however, ways for spitting to be disgusting:

1) When you spit on concrete or hard surface and the spit is visible. This is quite disgusting but there are ways to avoid it, such as spitting on grass instead. If you miss the grass (this happens, no one's aim is perfect), you should cover it up with your shoe and rub it away. If you have bare feet you should say something like, "Ah, yummy!" There is nothing better than some good sarcasm to break the tension of a stressful moment of taboo. And then if people really are disgusted, you should sincerely apologize.

2) When you clear your throat (slang term: "hawking/hocking a loogie"). According to some reliable sources, girls never do this. I honestly don't see how this is possible, but good for them. You should always do this when there is no one within earshot. If, however, you screw up, a sarcastic "ah, yummy!" should do the trick.

3) When you try to spit between your teeth but your spit is too thick and saliva-y and it rolls down your chin. This really is just hilarious, and if you make the mistake of doing this then you should definitely practice more before you try again in public.

While I'm on the topic, I'd like to put in a plug for spitting between one's teeth. It is a great thing to do while you are bored or when you are walking somewhere alone and have no one to talk to. It is a mindless habit like spinning your pen or, I don't know, clicking your tongue. It is also a skill that many people are jealous of. Not everyone can do it and so those who can't do it claim those who can are disgusting. Many people think baseball players spit between their teeth because they think it makes them cool, and this is true. There is no doubt that people who spit between their teeth are cooler than those who spit regularly, or not at all. Spitting between one's teeth makes a cool sound as well. Some women have even described this sound as "seductive" (seriously). All you have to do is have something in your mouth like a jolly rancher or almost any hard candy, and you can produce a continuous supply of water in your mouth. From here you just have to practice. You will get the hang of it in no time.