Facebook Tips and Strategies

Part two of the eight-part series entitled "Societal Flaws: Why People Struggle with Life" will focus on Facebook and how you can be good and bad at Facebook. Part of this topic has already been discussed in Theorem 14 (Facebook Friending).

I do not have an official theorem for this topic as I have only had one day to ponder it, and I spent most of that day selling dance tickets. So instead I will just stream my conscience.

Statuses: So one thing I do not enjoy is that new thing with Droid that tells you where you are and makes it your status. Statuses are there so you can make a joke, proclaim your love for a sports team, and complain about something (not life). No one wants to hear you complain about life, but everyone enjoys hearing you complain about other things. Also it is assumed that if you spend a weekend with your boyfriend/girlfriend, you will have a good time. Correction: fabulous time. Another week of books and friends!! Haha it's real funny when you type it actually. Sorry, I try to avoid direct ridicule, and I appreciate that you have not unbookmarked the blog (I hope not at least), Jake, but I think it goes without saying that that was too easy to pass up.

So in a more general sense, statuses such as "I love my baby" are polluting Facebook. Speaking of polluting Facebook, I think soft porn has finally infiltrated Zuckerberg's site. My news feed told me that one of my friends likes "5 Things a girl does before meeting her boyfriend," and upon clicking on this link it asked me to verify that I am 18 years or older. I had to decline because I am only 12. Speaking of Zuckerberg, there is a sweet movie coming out on my birthday about Zuckerberg and Facebook. Fun fact that I learned from the previews: Zuckerberg is an actual pimp. I never would have guessed it off the Google images of him. Speaking of my birthday, I no longer need a Halo jersey as Geisman found me a 2-dollar gem of a John Starks jersey at goodwill. Speaking of goodwill, they have some REAL nice windbreakers for only five bucks. Good as a joke and as an everyday article of clothing.

For Facebook wall posts, everything is fair game, no one really looks at those and they are usually uninteresting. Facebook inbox messages are all personal and that's where you really can write your girlfriend/boyfriend Love notes. "Roses are red, violets are blue..." Facebook inbox messages are not for spamming, however. I am talking to you, Kelsey Marie Falter! Your business is a joke and I want to burn all of the books you try to sell.

Facebook chat is best done with a person in the same room as you. Facebook "likes" are a great invention and I love them. Facebook picture uploading should be kept in check, if you have over a million pictures that is too many. Facebook stalking is perfectly acceptable in all forms, including if you grade their math papers. Facebook friending is weird if you aren't friends. Or if you are weird yourself. Actually that brings up a good point: if you are weird yourself, Facebook is not for you. That sounds mean but it is really true. This is only the extreme cases, so don't worry if you have doubts about yourself.

Got this post in by midnight CST.