Texting in Class

So apparently some people have been noting that I am seemingly always texting nowadays. There are various reasons for why people might think this, and I will not get into these reasons. I just enjoy the receiving and composing of text messages from all people and to all people, what can I say?

On that topic, the purpose of this post is to present a strategy for focusing in class that is often overlooked by many educational-enhancement programs (Kaplan, Hooked on Phonics, etc.). That strategy is of course texting in class.

Theorem 19: Texting in class helps you focus

Too often these days people who can't focus in class turn to Ridalin or Adderall or whatever drug makes your brain freak out and focus (Five-Hour Energy, Coffee, Triple Latte Espresso Double-Whipped Poison, etc.), when really there is a much simpler, more effective solution: intermittent texting. You see, studies have shown that the average Notre Dame brain can't focus for more than about 3 minutes at a time. This is conveniently the time it takes for a person to receive a text, read the text, come up with a 160-character proof-read text message, send the message, and be received by the person who is just starting to space out. Right at that space-out moment, the pocket vibes (vbbbb...vbb-vbb-vbb if you will... that's the sound mine makes at least) and you snap back to attention, read the text, reply, and send all in about one minute. So that's 3 minutes of perfect focus and one minute of a mental break in which you are still present enough to catch any particularly important information. You may say that's only 75% of the time in which you are fully focused, which is not very good. I say it's less than 25% of the time when you are not focused, which is REALLY good. But my glass is 75% full.

Now contrast this with the alternate. You sit in class, friendless/phoneless/whatever, and you hit that space-out moment. If you are good at sleeping, you start nodding off. If you are not good at sleeping, you daydream and you start thinking about something way off topic. For example, you could be thinking about what you did to Metoxen's chest last night in sticks (I haven't farmed him in like a week and I'm still inclined to use that as an example, incredible). You will think about this for a few minutes, and this will remind you that you have to go to the bathroom. This thought will overcome you and you will have no chance of focusing until you take care of your business. So you either leave class for some period of time, where you are missing all the material, or you sit in class unable to focus. Either way, the short text message would have been the much better alternative.

There are two main points I want to bring up with regards to this theorem. First, teachers do not know what is best for their students. This I'm sure is obvious to everyone by now in your academic careers, but it is particularly true for cell phones. Not allowing students to use cell phones is like putting a shiny object in front of a squirrel. Secondly, cell phones with basic calling and texting capabilities are far better than the smartphones with games and such. Gaming on your phone is the worst thing you can do, followed closely by using Apps. Apps are polluting the world and killing the national education system.

Again, if you would like to be on my texting ListServ, just let me know. I can text you whenever you would like during class or just in general. We are paying a lot for a Notre Dame education, so you should do everything you can to get the most out of it. Also, if you are looking for a nice phone, get the one pictured above. It is virtually indestructible.