Non-Tray Side

This will be my inaugural Visual Basic theorem (that is, written during my Visual Basic class). The tentative plan is to post at least once every Monday and Wednesday since I have yet to find a need to listen to this guy lecture. On that note, if anyone is looking for a great second major, the Computer Applications program is always accepting students. A common misconception is that you must be an athlete to take CAPP classes, but in reality all you have to do is email Lou Berzai and request access to class. Eventually you'll have to declare a major or minor in CAPP but Berzai is moderately senile and doesn't actually know what's going on so you can really dabble in CAPP for a number of semesters without cost. It goes without saying that you will get an A and you will have the opportunity to meet many celebrities including Tom Knight, Carleton Scott, and Armando Allen. The only drawback is that you don't learn anything.

Now on to the theorem.

Theorem 23: Sitting Non-Tray side makes no sense

This might be one of the most obvious theorems yet, and you would think no one would argue this assertion, but yet every day I see people sit Right-Right and Left-Left. As I'm sure you do, I ask myself, "Why?" My initial thought is that going Right-Left is too much to remember. After all, as a young freshman, I remember sitting Right-Right simply because it is just the same direction twice, and what's more intuitive than that? It's easy to remember a series of commands if they are all the same... So I guess the freshmen who have underdeveloped brains might have an excuse, but this is Notre Dame and I feel like you should be able to remember Right-Left. Here's how I remember it: First think "right" because that is the "right" way to go. I always like to do the "right" thing, amIright? Easy enough. Then remember to do the opposite of what you just did. So if you go right first, then you do the opposite, which is left. Voila, you are now tray side with all your friends.

It gets real tense on those football weekends when you don't know which side is going to be open, so you have to go with "right-left if it is open, but if not, then left-right." And with all those old people trying to get their french fries before they get their hot dogs (that's the wrong way for all you salad-eaters), it can get pretty stressful and remembering where to sit is nearly impossible. So in that case, I'd suggest writing it down.

So far I've skipped over the specific reasons why it just makes sense to sit tray side, but if you can't figure that out by now, then you probably won't even be able to remember Right-Left so this is a moot point.

But really, there are a few other reasons why people might think it best to sit non-tray side. One I can definitely imagine is that people want that extra walk to "burn off calories" they just ate or something. Now that would be a legitimate desire except for the fact that they offer chicken sandwiches every day, so you have the option of a low-calorie meal that also tastes delicious if you want it. I highly recommend it.

Or maybe people want to sit non-tray side because they have no one to sit with and they don't want anyone to walk by them and see their lack of friends. Been there, done that. Or maybe they have too many friends and need the Jesus table to accommodate their needs. This is also a reasonable argument. But the point is that there are many people who do not fall into these categories that still sit non-tray side. The combined time that those people wasted in walking the extra distance to put their tray away is probably hours... hours that could have been used studying. Hence, the reason they got a C in Orgo. Yeah, so when you don't get into Med School, don't come crying to me. I warned you.